drb
logo
airplanes | animals | architecture | art | auto | boats | famous | cool ads | funny pics | food | futurism | gadgets | history | japan
military | music | nature | photo | russia | sci-fi | signs | space | sports | steampunk | technology | trains | travel | vintage | weird


Why Bread and Water Is Bad For You


"QUANTUM SHOT" #54


1. BREAD IS DANGEROUSFood Diet

Why? Judge for yourself:
Research on bread indicates that

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

Food Diet
(painting by Duane Keiser)

2. WATER IS DANGEROUS

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide."

And for plenty of good reasons, since:

* it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
* it is a major component in acid rain
* it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
* accidental inhalation can kill you
* it contributes to erosion
* it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
* it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

* Forty-three (43) said yes,
* six (6) were undecided,
* and only one (1) knew that the chemical was water.

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?"
He feels the conclusion is obvious.

Source: Jaegers.net
(This site is hilarious... Check it out.
For example, "Cartoon Laws of Physics")

MORE JOKES ABOUT STATISTICIANS:

A friend was bragging to a statistician over coffee one afternoon how two-day volatility in the stock market had treated his holdings rather kindly. He chortled, "Yeah... yesterday I gained 60% but today I lost 40% for a net gain of 20%."
The statistician sat in horrified silence. He finally mustered the courage and said, "My good friend I'm sorry to inform you but you had a net loss of 4%!!!"

... This little tale illustrates how pervasive innumeracy is in our society. Always remember, "Percent of What?"
-------------

It is 1941 and the Germans are bombing Moscow.
Most people in Moscow flee to the underground bomb shelters at night, except for a famous Russian statistician who tells a friend that he is going to sleep in his own bed, saying that "There is only one of me, among five million other people in Moscow. What are the chances I'll get hit?"
He survives the first night, but the next evening he shows up at the shelter. His friend asks why he has changed his mind. "Well," says the statistician, "there are five million people in this city, and one elephant in the Moscow Zoo. Last night, THEY GOT THE ELEPHANT!"
-------------

"Cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy. It dn'seot mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm."

Everyone knows this about this amazing fact, but... try to read this exerpt from a STATISTICAL PAPER in the same way:

"Miittluvraae asilyans sattes an idtenossiy ctuoonr epilsle is the itternoiecsno of a panle pleralal to the xl-yapne and the sruacfe of a btiiarave nmarol dbttiisruein."

Pretty hard to figure out what it means, isn't it? This is because the original text itself is not any better :) Here it is -

"Multivariate analysis states an isodensity contour ellipse is the intersection of a plane parallel to the xy-plane and the surface of a bivariate normal distribution."

-------------

Permanent Link...Digg!



RECENT ARTICLES:

DRB Pic-of-the-Day
Pic-of-the-Day: Feather Sea Star

"Flowers of the Coral Seas"


Rare Microcars:
The Small, The Tiny, And the Utterly Absurd


A Smorgasbord of Weird Minicars

DRB Feel-Good
DRB Feel-Good Issue #20

Loads of cool and rare imagery


Futuristic "Sofil" 1953 Vehicle

Marvelous bus designed by Felix Aublet



"Dark Roasted Blend" - All Kinds of Weird and Wonderful Things, Discovered Daily!"

DRB is a top-ranked and respected source for the best in art, travel and fascinating technology, with a highly visual presentation. Our in-depth articles in many categories make DRB a highly visual online magazine, bringing you quality entertainment every time you open your "feed" reader or visit our site - About DRB

Connect with us and become part of DRB on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google Plus; make sure to subscribe to our updates.

Our mobile site: http://mobile.darkroastedblend.com. You can also read us on iPad, as part of the Flipboard popular free app.



YOUR COMMENTS::

9 Comments:

Anonymous coconutshell said...

12. Bread consumed while inhaling oxygen increases the risk of falling down the stairs tenfold while holding on to the railing with one hand and a chicken in the other.
:)

___  
Blogger Bev said...

Funny, funny stuff. Who would of thought that bread and water could cause such problems.

___  
Anonymous JDomingues said...

The next post will be "what happens to your body when you eat bread and drink water"!

___  
Anonymous Enbar said...

Very cool.

___  
Anonymous SabySue said...

So...if you were to say, not actually eat "bread"...but rather, all the ingredients of bread, one item right after the other, and then drank a full 8 oz of bottled water, and then went to the tanning bed....would your belly rise, and then a loaf thereby be made?? ;)

___  
Anonymous KyleMAD said...

dihydrogen monoxide.!!!!!!!

___  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One important statistic was left out here: virtually every user of heroin reported using bread before getting into heroin.

___  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And yet for many people bread is so toxic it causes cancer and many other health problems. In fact studies show celiac and type one diabetes are incredibly linked in terms of mechanisms and heritability ... And you thought bread was safe? Whatever the heck gave you that idea?

___  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

cigarettes are worse - no comment:)

___  

Post a Comment

<< Home


SF ART & BOOK REVIEWS:
Don't miss: The Ultimate Guide to NEW SF&F Writers!
Fiction Reviews: Classic Cyberpunk: Extreme Fiction
Short Fiction Reviews: Lovecraft's "At the Mountains of Madness" (with pics)
New Fiction Reviews: The Surreal Office



READ OTHER RECENT ARTICLES:



More Lovely Micro Cars

Small is Timeless!


DRB Pic-of-the-Day: Thunder Robot Army

Plus a bunch of Freddie-Ford auto robots


Adorable Bubble-Cars

Great Things Come in Small Packages


These Glorious Three-Wheeled Microcars

Jellybean Three-Wheelers! (Who Needs an Extra Wheel?)


Japan Robot Restaurant: Totally Over-the-Top!

Probably the craziest restaurant in the entire world


Nightmare Playgrounds, Part 2
Nightmare Playgrounds, Part 1

Seriously disturbing sculptures, meant for kids


Nightmare Playgrounds, Part 3

When trapped in a nightmare, enjoy a kiddie-slide!


Cars with Propellers, Part 2

Futuristic "Pillbug", built in 1936 in Germany


DRB Pic-of-the-Day: Shire on Earth

Found! The secret hideout of hobbits


Cars with Propellers, Part 1

Essential steampunk transportation


FULL ARCHIVES (with previews, fast loading):

July-Aug 2014 -- June 2014 --
May 2014 -- April 2014 -- Feb-March 2014 -- January 2014 -- Oct-Dec 2013 --
September 2013 -- August 2013 -- July 2013 -- May-June 2013 -- April 2013 --
March 2013 -- February 2013 -- Dec-Jan 2013 --
November 2012 -- October 2012 -- September 2012 --
August 2012 -- July 2012 -- June 2012 -- May 2012 -- April 2012 --
March 2012 -- February 2012 -- Dec-Jan 2012 --
November 2011 -- October 2011 -- September 2011 --
August 2011 -- July 2011 -- June 2011 --
May 2011 -- April 2011 -- March 2011 --
February 2011 -- January 2011 -- December 2010 --
November 2010 -- October 2010 -- September 2010 --
August 2010 - July 2010 -- June 2010 --
May 2010 -- April 2010 -- March 2010 --
Winter 2009-2010 -- Oct-Nov 2009 -- September 2009 --
August 2009 -- June-July 2009 -- May 2009 --
April 2009 -- March 2009 -- February 2009 --
January 2009 -- December 2008 -- November 2008 --
October 2008 -- September 2008 -- August 2008 --
July 2008 -- June 2008 -- May 2008 --
April 2008 -- March 2008 -- February 2008 --
January 2008 -- Dec, 2007 -- November 2007 --
October 2007 -- September 2007 -- August 2007 --
July 2007 -- June 2007 -- May 2007 --
April 2007 -- March 2007 -- February 2007 --
January 2007 -- December 2006 -- November 2006 --
October 2006 -- Link Latte Issues -- Biscotti Issues



CATEGORIES:
airplanes | animals | architecture | art | auto | boats | books | cool ads | funny pics | famous | futurism | food
gadgets | health | history | humour | japan | internet | link latte | military | music | nature | photo | russia | steampunk
sci-fi & fantasy | signs | space | sports | technology | trains | travel | vintage | weird




















Airplanes
Animals
Architecture
Art
Auto
Boats
Computers
Cool Ads
Extreme Weather
Food
Funny Pics
Futurism
Gadgets
History
Humour
Link Latte
Military
Music
Nature
Oops Accidents
Photography
Robots
Science
Science Fiction

Space
Sports
Technology
Trains
Travel
UE Abandoned
Vintage
Weird













Avi Abrams
Rachel Abrams
M. Christian
Simon Rose
Paul Schilperoord
Scott Seegert
Constantine vonHoffman


Send us your topic ideas, site suggestions, rants or sweet unpublished poetry. We love to hear from you.

Samsung Galaxy Case friendly.