"QUANTUM SHOT" #381 link Read all parts of the series here! This article is written by our contributing writer Scott Seegert (his site) for Dark Roasted Blend. He is the author of "It's a Guy Thing - Awesome Innovations from the Underdeveloped Male Mind" (Random House). The inventions featured in this article are NOT included in the book and represent a new material for DRB. Awesome Innovations from the Underdeveloped Male Mind There are over 7 million patents registered in the United States, a great number of which describe practical inventions designed for use by everyday, ordinary human beings. Then there's the "guy" stuff, ideas so lunkheaded and irrational they could only have come from that tiny portion of a guy's brain not dedicated to scratching himself. The following inventions have received actual patents from the United States government - proof positive that heavy drinking is not being discouraged at the patent and trademark office. The illustrations are those submitted by the inventors themselves, whose surnames have been withheld as an act of mercy. Philip and Eric’s Relaxation Helmet Patented 2002 What guy in his right mind wouldn’t want to sneak out of work a bit early to crack open a beer and duck into this soothing piece of vibrating headgear? James’ Relationship Simulator Patented 1977 (click to enlarge) Here is a closeup of the control panel: Guys have a difficult time grasping the nuances of the male/female relationship. And we’re not talking "guys" in general but, rather, EVERY SINGLE GUY. Well, help has arrived in the form of James’ Relationship Simulator. By manipulating the array of knobs and switches, James’ device allows us to simulate virtually any combination of male and female feelings and emotions and conclude, scientifically, that the guy will be spending the night on the sofa. Shao-Chun’s Anatomical Amusement Ride Patented 1989 Climb aboard the motorized tram (see top drawing), enter the charming gentleman’s mouth and hold on tight as you approximate the journey of a wet burrito through a standard guy’s digestive tract. Bonus internal attractions include a detour through our fella’s significant other for a quick peak at her brain, lungs and (ugh) reproductive system, which features a lifelike, albeit enormous, fetus (no surprise considering the beer (38), chips (292) and boom box (290) present in the bed). Kamran’s Facial Hair Trimming Guide Patented 2003 Designed for the artistically challenged guy, Kamran’s device projects adjustable bands of light onto the face which serve as templates to aid in proper trimming of the mustache and sideburns. Hey, if it’s good enough for Harrison Ford (fig. 2) who are we to criticize? copyright Scott Seegert, September 2007 Scott Seegert is the author of "IT’S A GUY THING – Awesome Innovations from the Underdeveloped Male Mind". For more inventions visit his website at ScottSeegert.com. Buy this book at Amazon! Article by Scott Seegert, ScottSeegert.com for Dark Roasted Blend. (want to become our contributing writer? email us, see guidelines here) CONTINUE TO NEXT PAGE! Read all parts of the series here! Permanent Link......+StumbleUpon ...+Facebook Category: Gadgets,Weird Dark Roasted Blend's Photography Gear Picks: |
RECENT ARTICLES:
|
Visual Caffeine #8 Visual Caffeine, Issue 8 A thrilling blend of art, myths and technology |
|
Visual Caffeine #7 Visual Caffeine, Issue 7 A thrilling blend of art, myths and technology |
|
Art Deco Imperial Dreams: Art Deco Update Wings, Gears, & Glamorous Ladies |
|
1970s SciFi DRB Pics-of-the-Day Grand Space Adventure 1970s Art |
"Dark Roasted Blend" - All Kinds of Weird and Wonderful Things, Discovered Daily!"
DRB is a top-ranked and respected source for the best in art, travel and fascinating technology, with a highly eclectic presentation. Our in-depth articles in many categories make DRB a valued online magazine, bringing you quality info and entertainment every time you visit the site - About DRB
Connect with us and become part of DRB on Facebook and Twitter.
YOUR COMMENTS::
|
SF ART & BOOK REVIEWS: Don't miss: The Ultimate Guide to NEW SF&F Writers! Fiction Reviews: Classic Cyberpunk: Extreme Fiction Short Fiction Reviews: Lovecraft's "At the Mountains of Madness" (with pics) New Fiction Reviews: The Surreal Office |
READ OTHER RECENT ARTICLES:
|
Abandoned, Dieselpunk DRB Pic-of-the-Day Abandoned: Streamlined Three-wheeler |
|
Visual Caffeine #6 Visual Caffeine, Issue 6 A thrilling blend of art, myths and technology |
|
Visual Caffeine #5 Visual Caffeine, Issue 5 A thrilling blend of art, myths and technology |
|
Hellish Weather on Other Planets
Wild, Untamed, and Uncut |
|
Medieval Suits of Armor
Metal Body Suits vs. Weapons of Medieval Destruction |
|
World's Strangest Theme Parks
Amusement to the (twisted) extremes! |
|
Enchanting Victorian Fairy Tale Art
"Then world behind and home ahead..." |
|
Adorable Pedal Cars
Collectable Pedal Vehicles Showcase |
|
Japanese Arcades: Gundam Pods & Other Guilty Pleasures These machines have gone up to the next level |
|
Modernist Tallinn Architecture Delicious blend of old and new! |
|
Early Supercomputers: A Visual Overview "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons" |
|
Futuristic Concept Cars of the 1970-80s French, Italian & Japanese rare beauties |
|
Epic 1970s French Space Comic Art DRB Time-Slice: Valérian and Laureline |
|
The Trees Are Escaping! The Abandoned Prison in French Guiana "Great Escape" from the Devil's Island |
FULL ARCHIVES (with previews, fast loading): 2022/16 2015/14 2013 2012 2011 2010 2009 2008 2007 2006 Link Lattes Feel-Good & Biscotti Issues |
|
CATEGORIES:
Feel-Good! | airplanes | animals | architecture | art | auto | boats | books | cool ads | famous | futurism | food
gadgets | health | japan | internet | link latte | military | music | nature | photo | russia | steampunk
sci-fi & fantasy | signs | space | technology | trains | travel | vintage | weird | abandoned
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home