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|"QUANTUM SHOT" #66|
Link - A. Abrams
How to have fun with your cat,
and accomplish a few practical things in the meantime
You and your cat will enjoy
MAKING COOKIES TOGETHER:
1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe.
2. Get cup of coffee.
3. Remove cat from cookbook.
4. Find a mouth-watering cookie recipe.
5. Remove cat's nose from coffee mug.
6. Get eggs from fridge.
7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard.
8. Break eggs in small bowl.
9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl.
10. Answer the phone.
11. Observe that while on phone the cat ate the eggs; get more from fridge.
12. Remove cat from flour bowl and dust cat off.
13. Get Band-Aids for cat scratches on hands.
14. Throw flour out and get more.
15. Preheat oven for cookies.
16. Resist the urge to toss the cat in the oven. Cat disappears into bathroom.
17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough.
18. Crash reverberates from bathroom; run to see what happened.
19. Observe that cat has strewn toilet paper all over floor and knocked makeup and toiletries off of counter.
20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl.
21. Sense that cat is angry.
22. Remove cat from toilet and dry cat off.
23. Retrieve bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs.
24. Clean bathroom.
25. Hear a thump in kitchen. (Oh brother...now what?)
26. Remove cat from floured kitchen counter.
27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour.
28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten..
29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies, bandages and catnip toy.
An easy anti-gravity device will give your
cat an alternative way of navigating around your house:
The following picture illustrates the physics of this phenomena:
If you can not find your cat, you should really look everywhere, even in the closet:
If the only thing your cat does is sleeping around the house, you might consider
this invention (issued US patent):
EXERCISING A CAT
A method for inducing cats to exercise consists of directing a beam of invisible light produced by a hand-held laser apparatus onto the floor or wall or other opaque surface in the vicinity of the cat, then moving the laser so as to cause the bright pattern of light to move in an irregular way fascinating to cats, and to any other animal with a chase instinct.
"The Cat Annoyer"
or Three Mouse Monte for Maximum Feline Aggravation
The idea is something like a puppet show for cats. The fuzzy mice dart in an out of their "mouse holes", controlled by you. We guarantee that, once you leave the house, the cat will have that thing shredded into 8 zillion pieces by the time you get home. - source
For your relaxation there is a new product from Japan:
This site details its application and purpose (some of which you would never guess)
Have you tried to bath your cat? You should do it equipped with this technique:
MOST EFFECTIVE METHOD OF BATHING A CAT
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
CraigList has a second method too.
(some images via)
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